I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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