I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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