i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
