need another drink. this is the easiest way
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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