I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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