at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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