I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
