elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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