I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize