At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
