and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
