He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
