We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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