Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
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I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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