yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
