I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
