There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
