all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
