I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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