My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
