how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
