This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
