She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
