if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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