my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
