8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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