I'm lost and stupid without you.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
