saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
