I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
