you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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