Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
