I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
