Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
