Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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