I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize