from now on my penis is your penis
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize