K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
