so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
