Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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