oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
