bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
