I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
