i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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