i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
