I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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