In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
