Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
