I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
