I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
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You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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