Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
