Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
