It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
