I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I think i got beer on your cat.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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