So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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