I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
