Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
