there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
