Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
wow bdsm is so cute
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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