I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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